


The Three Times Victor Almost Said "I Love You" (And the One Time He Did)

by Priestlyislove



Category: Victor Frankenstein (2015)
Genre: Love Letters, M/M, POV First Person, Victor knows a lot but he doesnt know about love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-04 05:01:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5321429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Priestlyislove/pseuds/Priestlyislove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Victor's never been good with expressing his emotions. But if he doesn't figure out how to quickly, he's going to lose the one person in his life who matters</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Three Times Victor Almost Said "I Love You" (And the One Time He Did)

“You..." I would breath fondly on occasion. He seemed to understand it was a compliment, and he always understood the limits of my social capabilities. For that I was grateful. But when I said that, it was so much more than what he could understand. I could never form my thoughts into the words I wanted. I tried to write them down every so often, but I ended up burning every paper. He was just so beautiful and brilliant that the English language didn't have words for it. I tried to teach myself French. I wrote "Tes yeux sont comme la mer. Ton esprit aussi. Tu es juste très fantastique." I scribbled over it with my pen. That would never do. I started again. "Je suis terrifié de la notion d'éternité. Mais je ne me dérangerait pas de le passer avec toi." I sounded too codependent now. Or maybe I didn't sound romantic enough. I sighed. "How incredible," I found myself writing, "that you've managed to teach a man like me how to love. You truly are remarkable if you could do a thing like that without even trying. I'm not nearly there yet, I'm afraid, but this is far closer than I've ever been. If I fall, if I slip from your gentle hold, do you promise to catch me? There are many things I wish I could say to you, if only my stuttering tongue would allow it. I suppose there are only three words that can try to sum up these passionate emotions that bubble up in my chest when you look me in the eyes.Those words are ‘I love you,’ which both you and I have never known. Perhaps we can teach each other what those three simple words mean." I did not do away with this one. I instead folded it up and stuck it into my breast pocket.

Everything was falling apart the second time I tried to say it. He just saw the body of the old Igor. He was disgusted with me. "It's not fair," I wanted to scream. "I tried so hard, so hard to seem normal for you. But I can't help it. I'm not like Lorelei, I'm not like Turpin, I'm only me. I thought you knew. I thought you were okay with that." But I didn't say anything. The words were too heavy and they caught in my throat. And I knew they wrong anyway. I didn't do anything to deserve his trust. He gave it to me as a gift. It's not his fault I ruined it. He said goodbye to me. I felt tears well in my eyes. After everything, this was what would break us apart. I wanted to hand him the letter I wrote. But I couldn't. He was hurt. I didn't want to hurt him anymore, so I left, without uttering a confession of love. I feared I would regret that decision for as long as my life continued forward.

The third time made me want to believe in things like miracles. I thought he was gone forever. I quietly mourned him, pouring that lost passion into our monster. But suddenly he was there, standing like an ethereal specter. He beckoned me by name and I was lost instantly. His name found its way out of my mouth. I nearly ran to him, embracing him with everything I had. He was so warm. I had never held someone who so warm before. He felt like the stars in the sky had all come together to form a most perfect man. He wasn't human, he was so much greater. I was about to say it, tell him I knew he was made of stardust and that I was so madly in love with him, but he started speaking first. He was scared for me. I hope he wasn't scared of me. The idea of that reminded me that I was not a perfect man like him. I was more of a beast. My anger took hold and I threw him against the wall. I told him I would forgive him for what he believed to be true. He would see, I knew. He would understand that I was doing this for a purpose much greater than myself.

Being human never meant being weak to me. But in that moment, when I lay heaving and bleeding over the corpse of my failed creation, I felt very human and very weak. I crawled, dragging myself by my fists. Tears still ran down my face, my entire body shuddering from the effort and emotion. The grit and ash got into my wounds but I didn't stop. I made my way over to Igor. He was breathing. I laughed through my hysterics. He was alive. I did not lose the last thing I had that mattered to me. I wrapped my arm around his unconscious body. I forced myself up so that I had one hand on either side of him, my face only a centimeter away from his. I kissed his forehead. "You're alright, you're going to be alright," my voice was cracked and rough but it didn't matter. "I'm so sorry. I've made a horrible mess of things. I've been aching to tell you a secret since we've met though, so please push your resentment aside for just a moment. Just long enough so I can say thank you. Thank you for everything. And...I love you, Igor. I love you so much the human mind cannot fathom it. I'm weak, I'm not strong enough to say it while you're awake. But one day, I'll be stronger. By then you might have forgiven me, and maybe even learned to love me. But for now, you love that beautiful girl. And I won't ruin your life, Igor. That's not why I gave you a life. Go be with her. One day, I'll give you the letter I wrote. I promise you, I promise on my love that I will give it to you. And my love is the strongest thing I've ever felt.” I kissed his forehead again, forcing myself to stand. I had to leave. I spared him one last longing glance. “You are the best thing that ever happened to me, Igor. Don’t you dare forget that.”


End file.
